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Today I’m marinating on a few different things.  A friend of mine has been blogging about forgiveness.  Not just forgiving others, but forgiving ourselves.  I’ve also seen posts about  the death of a peer today.  It’s enough to make you take a step back and really look at life and where you are in your daily journey.  I mean, seriously?

I know that I am guilty of holding on to things, and I tend to hold myself accountable for things that I should have forgiven myself for long ago.  The recent passing of a few people I grew up with has brought to the forefront the issue of mortality.  Shouldn’t I want to alleviate myself of the guilt I knowingly inflict upon myself?  Why then, do I continue to hold onto these hurtful things?  I’m turning this around in my mind and of course, the standard excuses come to mind… it’s too hard to deal with right now and this one is my favorite… I will deal with it when I have time.  Well… it turns out that I don’t have the luxury of time.  I’m not promised tomorrow.  Hmmm… It’s a cliche, I know but just this one time, I think that it might be relevant.

So it begs the question… when will I take that leap of faith and believe that if I release all of the things that I’m holding inside my life will begin to improve?  When?  Why won’t I “just do it?”  As soon as I find the answer, I will let you know.  Until then, I will continue to read the blogs on forgiveness, and I will allow the message to seep into my mind and spirit.  I will be open to hearing what it is that I am supposed to hear, and I will keep trying to do what I know in my heart of hearts is right.  Just another random thought.

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